But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2nd Corinthians 12:9-11
One thing that I’ve wrestled with is speaking about my child’s sickness. It pains me to say this, but I’m thankful for his autism. The bloody, generic label slapped on my little boy’s broken body. I actually loathe autism, but I’m thankful for it. How can that be? I hate Jacob’s condition. I hate what it has done to him. I hate what it does to our family every single day and every sleepless night. So why in the world would I be thankful for my son’s sickness?
Because it has changed EVERYTHING.
A few things that my child’s brain inflammation, gut dysbiosis, mitochondrial dysfunction, heavy metal contaminated, methylation-impaired, lyme disease ridden, depleted little body has done for my life:
It saved my marriage. Ben and I would have been split up long ago if Jacob wouldn’t have regressed into this horror at 15 months old. It took two of us to care for him even when we didn’t like each other. We were forced to make it work.
It humbled me. I should just drop the mic here.
It made me appreciate the family unit and crave it for my family. It’s something to protect.
It sent us through the grieving process. I grieved the loss of little things like typical “firsts”, playdates, just being a normal mom. I grieved through his chronic illness, I grieved through the loss of my parents being together. I grieved through my own marital journey. In some weird way, grief is very hard to verbalize yet so therapeutic for my soul.
Patience. Oh my word. The patience. My child cannot speak one word. It’s so frustrating for him. He can’t tell me what he needs, what hurts, what he loves. Our nonverbal communication is strong up in this house.
Perspective. It helps me understand what is truly important in life. Gets my focus right. Grounds me. We get to celebrate the smallest things…like smiling, interaction with a sibling, peeing on the potty, trying a new food. It’s kind of fun to be jumping up and down, freaking out and dancing over small gains. They are such huge wins to us.
Empathy and Compassion for those who are hurting…for things I haven’t walked through and cannot possibly understand. There are a lot of hurting people out there. I was telling my mom about little baby Alfie in the UK. I couldn’t get through the story – had a breakdown over it. Lord – break my heart for what breaks yours.
Reality check. Brought me out of deep denial. Made me seek Truth. As the kids are saying I was #woke. I live a transparent life. Real and raw. It turns a lot of people away. I get it – truth can be ugly and scary. I love the ugly. My friends – beauty from ashes is a great way to live.
It brought me to my knees, to the most broken place I could be, so that my faith would be renewed and I would come to understand that I had to put complete dependence on Christ to get through this. I do believe that God has used and will continue to use Jacob’s health for amazing things. Sometimes I see glimpses of it. Thank you, Lord.
Don’t get me wrong. I still hate autism. I have hard days on most days. But, I’m learning how to be thankful for the hardships in this very short life. It’s an intentional and necessary choice.
…I see you move the mountains, and I believe that I will see you do it again. You made a way where there was no way, and I believe I’ll see you do it again. (Elevation)
Squash Pancakes 
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